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06 November 2007 @ 12:42 pm
Posted blog on Myspace today, but I wanted to share this convo with everyone:

Hung out with my kiddo at my parents' house Saturday night. Here is one of my favorite conversations with him, EVER--we were in the hot tub at the time:

Me: So how was Halloween?
Oren: Good.
Me: Did you like your 'Jason' costume?
Oren: (bored) Mmm-hm...
Me: He's kind of creepy.
Oren: (brightly) He was a manslaughterer!
Me: -pause-
Oren: (singing to himself) Maaaaaanslaaaaaaughterrrrrrrr!
Me: -laughs-
Me: Oooookay.
Oren: (singing) MaaaAAAAAAnslaaaaaaAAAAAAUghteeeeeERRRRRRRR!
Me: (singing) MaAAnslaaAAghterrRRR!
Oren: (singing back) Kiiiiill YOOOOOOOU!!!

Man, I've got a cool fucking kid.
Current Mood: amusedYou can't.
08 June 2007 @ 02:32 pm

I blame the parents. Working in a salon, this is all people can talk about. But still. I blame the parents. And America. Andandand...9/11.

Hahahahahahahaha, what an awesome day.
Current Location: Worky work
Current Music: Amy Winehouse
18 April 2007 @ 04:36 pm
Fucking Myspace. Can't access my blog. Who cares.

Note to self:

The shitstorm gets thicker and yet here you are, standing in the middle of it, fending people off and then wondering why you're alone. HELLO!! You're an overweight, suicidal, non-potential reaching insomniac alcoholic with an oven too small to fit your fat fucking head into! Your knives are too dull! Your balcony not high enough! You can't afford pills! You don't like pain! And yet here you are, throwing a pathetic pity party of one, in all your toxic, violent glory, trying to figure out how to get out of this bitchhole, and quick. What are you running away from NOW? The list goes on and on! An ever-widening ass that may some day block out the SUN; a dwindling bank account that does everything in its' power to smite you; loneliness that promises to crush you; friends on hiatus, boyfriend lives nowhere near you, family far away; you have a life that threatens to crumble into the sea, and all you can do with what's leftover is waste it. You are spectacularly low; it's almost breathtaking! Like watching circus freaks mate or someone shot in the head in slow-motion! You can't even use "I" statements! Great, this is probably the demise you so righteously deserve. You'll only speak about yourself in third person from now on. You'll wear a helmet on the bus. You'll go home and live with your parents, a diapered adult with one friend who has no arms and a speech impediment. Nice life. Nice note.

Okay, this is funny. No, really, it's totally funny; I can be accountable for feeling like shit. It's MY SHIT. I GOT MYSELF HERE. It's just, my solutions aren't so healthy. So it's kindof amusing and laughable and super dorky, ha ha ha. Except I'm trying unsuccessfully not to cry, and wondering what the point of it all is, and wishing there was an easier way out--and I'm laughing, because I've been here before. Ah, magnified depression, emotional suicide!...who would I be without you? What do I need so-called "friends" for, or a "boyfriend", or a distant "family" when I have you to wrap my cellulite-riddled arms around? This is my battle cry! I don't need any of you! I can jump on my own and hopefully I'll have a heart attack on the way down! ( because seriously, that 'breaking all the bones in your body upon impact but still living' scares the shit out of me) Today, I am a broken piece-o-meat. Battered and bloodied from my nightmares last night. Diving deep to reach new emotional lows. Super sensitive and alone and crazy. What can you do? Nothing. You don't get to do anything. You just get to watch, you get to cringe and cry out, you get to tentatively reach out only to be pushed away, you get to journal about it or gossip about it to your co-worker, you get to make The End into your own personal masterpiece, just like me!!! You're lucky. You get to ignore me. You get to hate me. You get to forget about me. I'm way ahead of you.
Current Mood: sicksick
11 April 2007 @ 12:58 pm
Myspace is ruining my life with its' constant routine maintenance (must keep the Girls Gone Wild whores happy, and let's not forget the VISA/IPOD/PS3/dating service solicitors), so my linkety-link-linkage blog shall be posted here; the linkety-link-link blog serves two purposes: 1) to dust off the ol' HTML skills of yore and, 2) to share the useless internet crap that comes to my attention during every minute of every work day. So let's begin!

Icapants sent me this and I almost died from how effing cute it was. So while they are not for sale yet, I will be first in line to purchase them when they are--a whole army of dancing peeps at my disposal. Observe, and if you have the time, also check out the actual dancing video--to Spoon's 'I Turn My Camera On', no less--right here:

If you want to learn about the new technology that makes this possible, check it out *right here!*

Colleen sent me this, probably to make me cry or something:

KITTENS! *purrrrrrrrrr...*

Anyhoo, one of my favorite websites wielded some great conversations today...so I'm going to list the ones that made me puke from joy.


Coworker #1: You've got really pretty eyes.
Coworker #2: Thanks.
Coworker #1: It's like you've got, um... What is it...?
Coworker #3: Downs Syndrome?
Coworker #1: Contact lenses.



Girl recording office voicemail: "If you know the person you are wishing to enter... Shit, that's not right."

Jubilee Road
Muncy, Pennsylvania


Homeless guy #1: Damn! I just got kicked out of the library! Damn!
Homeless guy #2: What did you do, man?
Homeless guy #1: I don't know. I don't know.
Homeless guy #2: Aren't you drunk?
Homeless guy #1: Well, yeah. Also, I might have been looking at dirty pictures on the computer.
Homeless guy #2: Aw, that's not so bad.
Homeless guy #1: And they said that I was being disrespectful to the librarians.
Homeless guy #2, freaking out: No way, man! You can never, never disrespect the librarians! Always respect librarians! What were you thinking? Are you an idiot?

Outside Boulder Public Library
Boulder, Colorado


20-something chick: Was it Colorado?
20-something dude: Yeah, that sounds right. There were a lot of unicorns.

Auburn, Massachusetts


So. The Aqua Teen movie is upon us. My favorite review can be raucously laughed at HERE and while you're there, check out an oldie but goodie.

Went for a 5 mile walk with my friend Linda yesterday--it was nice to catch up. Went home, wrote a bunch, hunkered down for the evening with some bologna sandwiches and Geek Love (re-reading it; actually, I finished it last night). Read the book, read it NOW.

Okay, looks like I'm done for the day so sayonara, see you later--I'm off to spend some QT with the Esq. Lucky me!
Current Location: Brown Paper Bag
Current Mood: busyZombie-like
Current Music: Mark Ronson, Version
03 April 2007 @ 04:33 pm
That's how long since I've posted in Livejournal and that's how long I've been waiting to post my blog on Myspace. Forever and a day--or, 234892056272 hours, if you're me. But as they are doing "special maintenance" on the blogs (which is a pile of wonky horseshit), I'm just going to post and link from here today. I hope all is well with my Livejournal buddies--long time no see!

* * * * * * * * *

Last night was fun--the Esq and I went grocery shopping (exciting!) and came home to make bologna sandwiches (sexy!) and watched The Science of Sleep (brilliant...again). The bologna sandwich I made for the Esq last night was so very special, so packed with the violent punch of love, he didn't even mind that it was as big as his thumb. That's real love. And the Skittle he carelessly threw from 3 stories up that landed with a resounding thwap-pa-ting! on my landlord's BMW was our entertainment for the evening; that Esq, he's so funny. We just hung out, and he made fun of me for wanting a thousand extra features on my land line, like "voicemail" and "long distance"...another day in the life of our healthy relationship. I'm kidding, he had me in stitches, as he normally does, even though I don't know what that means.

I'm *really* looking forward to tonight--well, I'll tell you about it tomorrow, I suppose. It'll be a scorcher--lots of domestic bullshit on the horizon! Today was a fairly snore-worthy day at work, just answering phones and twiddling my internet thumbs. I am liking the Best of Craigslist postings for distraction...although this little ditty was especially interesting today on Yahoo:


Colleen: ...I think I just screamed out all the gothy-ness that was left in me:

"The Cure frontman Robert Smith has teamed up with singer Ashlee Simpson for a collaboration on her new album."

(Sidenote: if you don't believe me, see for yourself: http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/42208587)


From the leathery hag-like halls of Brown Paper Bag (aka: "work") come these delightful instant message conversations to soothe the soul and bring peace to every minute of your day:


Colleen: Also, on top of that, he's passive aggressive, which means bully cats can beat the shit out of him and he'll let them.
Marika: Wow. Sounds like me in this relationship I had in 1997. Rad!


Word association game played with co-workers:

Marika: READY?
Emma: Okay.
Marika: *LOVE*
Emma: sex.
Marika: *mayonnaise*
Emma: cream
Marika: Eric Clapton?
Emma: Ewww.
Marika: Exclamation!
Emma: point.
Marika: Okay, again.
Marika: Ex-boyfriends
Emma: meh.
Marika: BLEH.
Emma: vomit.
Emma: zombies
Marika: MY WEDDING! (disclaimer: not my actual wedding, just a dream wedding where we were all undead)
Emma: Joy!
Marika: *JUSTIN* =)
Emma: Timberlake
Marika: *gasp*
Emma: Noooooooooo!


Emma: From the Admin Questions, "i tried to pay for a will call ticket but aint working out.pls get my name amosu moses,imma pay at the door.'
Marika: That's...challenging.
Emma: Very, it will take me hours to decipher the near Shakespearian English.
Marika: It's the iambic pentameter. *nods*
Emma: It is.


Marika: Suddenly I smell fresh baloney and it seems to be coming from my.... uh.... wow, that's weird.
Colleen: You know, this is the 2nd time you have mentioned the scent of meat products coming from your...
Marika: I know, the whole meat-smelling thing is starting to freak me out. Next time, I hope it's prosciutto.
Marika: Or bacon.


Today was gorgeous out and I'm feeling okay...but I'm also strangely frustrated and annoyed as all get out. Had a nice chat with an ex online and deflected like a champ (nothing annoys me more than people you've already dated acting like you have a future as a "joke", enter -forced laughter- HERE), but it was still nice to re-connect over good times and relay my current happiness with that one guy I'm dating...his name escapes me presently, but trust me--he's a winner. My trustworthy Esquire.

Besides my tiny, sandwich-ey fists of rage, bad attitude and lack of funds, I'm basically feeling great! I'm glad it's nice out and I'm happier posting on Livejournal, since it's not completely filled with Bobbleheads. Observe:


Colleen: *links to an event* (the link is to the WA Firefighter Calendar Judging Event)
Marika: I'M THERE.
Marika: I'm all about the Bobblehead events.
Marika: *bobs*
Colleen: um.
Colleen: PHEER.
Marika: WHOO-HOO, SPRING BREAK! *lifts shirt*


Have a great evening, y'all...
Current Location: Work (Brown Paper Bag)
Current Mood: annoyedBleh.
Current Music: John Legend, "I Used to Love You"
10 January 2007 @ 02:38 pm
I meant to post this on Myspace, but it's giving me problems, so I'm posting it here. Hello to all--and sorry for the somewhat graphic subject matter, but c'mon...it's funny.


So I was talking with a friend online--let's call him..."Bob." Bob was telling me about how he fucked the shit out of some girl last weekend. I heartily congratulated him, and then pondered that phrase: 'fucked the shit out of her'. I know it's not literal, but it doesn't sound like a barrel full of fun. The visual attached to fucking the shit out of anyone or anything just sounds like an instant negative hard-on. It sounds like a HOT MESS. More phrases I've heard from my friends came to mind that, when taken literally, sound like horrific experiences, indeed. Observe:


"I fucked his brains out." Like...skull-fucking? Or his brain spontaneously exploded from pleasure? Was it projectile like vomit or did it just ooze out like lava? I'm really interested to know.

"I fucked her silly." I can't, for the life of me, remember who said this to me. But I do remember thinking, so she giggled the whole time? Told knock-knock jokes? Went crazy like a fembot? Intriguing.

"I fucked her to pieces." THIS DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A GOOD TIME TO ME.

"He fucked the living daylights out of me." I don't even know what this MEANS.

"She fucked the Hell out of me." I suppose that's like a really enjoyable exorcism or something; but still, what a strange way to describe making teh sweet sweet lovins. I wonder if Satan himself came bursting out of his chest, a la Aliens. That would be fucking DOPE.

"Got fucked sideways 'til Sunday." Okay, I used this once. I didn't know what it meant then, and I still don't. Seriously, if it was a Monday, then you'd have six days of continual fucking, and bedsores, to boot. Not a good visual.

"I rode him like a stallion!" That's IMPRESSIVE. Think about it. *taps head* THINK about it.

"I rode her into the ground." OUCH.

And now, for something completely different (or exactly the same):
Instant Messaging from the Depths of Hell:

Marika: have you ever had...teh silent sex? like been with someone that makes NO noise whatsoever?
Carley: hmm
Carley: no
Marika: my gf is talking about her bf...and he makes not one SPECK of noise when they're doing it.
Marika: and it's creeping me out
Carley: i've been the silent one
Marika: haha
Carley: when y'know i wasn't feeling anything
Carley: I ADMIT IT
Marika: hahahahahaha
Marika: ok, i've done that too--when i'm like...are we done yet? please?
Carley: maybe he was practicing tantric sex
Marika: i would have been surprised to find out we were having sex AT ALL, if you know what i mean. i was bored out of my fucking mind.
Carley: yep
Carley: i used to fall asleep while ****** was in the middle of doing her thing.
Carley: it was a bit sad.
Marika: OMG
Marika: *whoops*
Carley: or i'd be going over my grocery list in my head
Marika: i've done that
Marika: i've mentally cleaned and organized my entire home whilst getting teh cock
Marika: (but not with justin)
Carley: good
Marika: but w/ this one ex? oh yeah.
Marika: EXAMPLE: "1) i need to see about getting that blanket dry cleaned, i just can't seem to figure out how to get that pomegranate juice stain out. 2) maybe i can go online and figure out how to get fruit stains out of specific types of fabric--sex interlude: "oh yeah, just like that, mmhm". 3) maybe my mom knows a good website, or perhaps she has an old family secret to washing fruit stains out of this stuff. 4) i wonder if they even HAD pomegranates back in the day...i'll have to ask. 5) what the hell IS a pomegranate, anyway? i'll look that up online, too. huh, the history of the pomegranate, what a great research project--sex interlude: "YES i'm here, oh baby, do that again". 6) i should organize my cookbooks, maybe there's a good baking recipe for pomegranates. 7) good god, isn't he DONE YET? nope, still banging away. *sigh*--sex interlude: *bored voice* "yeah, give it to me"--*sigh*..." and on and on.
Marika: SO romantic.
Carley: uh huh, uh huh. give it to me baby, oh yeah. that feels so good.
Emma: "The Ramen King died a few days ago. He was 96 and had invented instant ramen in 1958."
Marika: SAD
Marika: how?
Marika: just old age?
Emma: I don't know. That's all he told me.
Marika: maybe he ate too much ramen
Carley: masturbation = <3
Marika: yeah, i find that when i'm really bitchy or tense or freaking out about my relationship, that is the ONE THING that makes me forget and gets me back to a happy ground zero. it's nice. like a built in stress ball.
Carley: mmm, pancakes
Marika: i don't want to know.
Marika: i didn't know emo kids cried. i thought they just threatened to, with their crappy attitudes.
Emma: Okay, that's it. You can call me not goth. I don't mind. You could even - maybe - depending on the situation - call me a hippy. You could call me preppy. You could call me anything. But unless I start sitting in a corner feeling bad for myself and silently weeping into an ugly doll - NEVER CALL ME EMO!!
Emma: I feel another battle coming on.
Emma: Shall we?
Marika: *hair pull* HA HA HA, got you first!
Emma: *Eye Gouge* Ha! I got you worse!!
Marika: *maim*
Emma: *poke*
Marika: *drizzle*
Marika: ???
Emma: ???
Marika: *hot wax* ? that sounds bad.
Emma: Yeah it does. I probably need it though!
Emma: HaHa
Marika: hahaha FINE. *PILEDRIVER*
Emma: *Acid on yer head*
Marika: *gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*
Marika: *trips*
Marika: *trippytrippytrippy*
Marika: *ooohlalaaa*
Marika: my nose feels funny
Emma: So...are you gonna attack me or what?
Marika: *stab*
Marika: *stabstabstab*
Marika: *slashstabslash*
Emma: *Alien Attack!*
Emma: I sent them.
Emma: to attack you.
Marika: *scrape*
Emma: *gnaw*
Emma: I eat your leg.
Emma: like a zombie.
Marika: *fling*
Marika: i throw poo at you
Marika: like a monkey
Marika: you are now covered in my feces. how ya like THAT?
Marika: eat my leg, I HAVE ANOTHER ONE
Emma: Hm. Brown is not my color. THAT'S IT BITCH! IT'S CHAINSAW TIME!!!
Marika: *DEFLECTS!*
Emma: cheater.
Emma: What?
Marika: everyone always thinks i'm a racist because i make fun of people from different ethnic backgrounds! and i think i'm better than most ethnic people! and i discriminate in every way against other ethnicities!
Marika: so. if the shoe fits. =)
Marika: *shrug*
Emma: Hm. So you are a racist in a sort of ironic way, then?
Emma: Wait - don't you think you are better than most people? Period? With no qualifications?
Marika: somewhat. and...there are like--5 people i KNOW i'm not better than. so not EVERYONE, just most people. and no, there aren't qualifications, but if you're a black dude hitting on me at the mall w/ no teef, i'm ten times better than you. it's a complicated system.
Marika: there are vetoes in place so that i can accomodate SOME ethnic people.
Emma: Hm.
Emma: Dirty racist.
Marika: dirty IRONIC racist. i'm brown, remember.
Emma: Oh yeah. Dirty Ironic racist.
So I'm not really a racist--I'm a SNOB, and there's a difference. But I AM an alien.
Feeling much better today; hung out with Rachel last night, sent the longest email of my life as well, and the Esq is still the mightiest sorcerer in all the land. Additionally, this website has been making me smile all day:


Enjoy! *waves*
Current Location: Worky work work
Current Mood: amusedLoving teh instant msgs
09 September 2006 @ 05:05 pm
Well. Well. Well. Hello, Livejournal; you old friend, you. And so we meet again. Seriously, I haven't been on in forever, but I have a good excuse. Okay, it's not a GOOD excuse, more like a SEMI-good excuse hidden deep within the recesses of a really bad excuse. Here's the ick: My excuse is Myspace. Okay, that's BAD. Here's the "A-ha!": as a humorist, realist, memoirist and professional lazy ass, blogging on Myspace has proven to be more rewarding than not. My blogs have always had a certain purpose (yet none with integrity, strange)--Livejournal was for occasionally testing out writing and keeping up with specific friends, Xanga was for anger-writing (with names and dates and bitchery and muffins for all! obviously no one knows my alias on THAT one--I'd be in knee-deep in shit if they did), Friendster was for a specific group of friends from way back in the day, and Myspace was for my nightly brain dump, ie; trifling journal-writing that had almost no real writing to it and very little substance. The sticky wicket was this: without meaning to, I hit a wider audience on Myspace. That wasn't my goal. Through tracking it, I had about 8 people reading it a day. I could name all 8 of those people, and most of them live in my building. Boooring. Suddenly, I started getting about 100 hits a day, my biggest day being 215. Right now I average between 100-150. That's a lot of freaking people with even sadder lives than me, apparently. So. I must assist these lost souls in their daily, soul-crushing lives (they MUST be soul-crushed if they're reading my slag)--after blogging on Myspace, it's hard to jump over to Livejournal and wash-rinse-repeat. It's not as if I'm waxing poetic on anything real; I don't even do much writing on Myspace. But I give the masses what they want: crap. If it's crap they want, it's crap they'll get. I think this is how bad religions get started. Now I'm wondering how the band, Bad Religion, was started. Great, more research into mindless trivia that I'll never use again. Such is life.

Here's the link to my righteous stupidity:


Hope all is well with the Livejournal peeps!
Current Mood: amusedHorrified
27 April 2006 @ 10:54 pm
Well, this is one of THOSE journal entries; the kind that bemoan, bemuse, and befuddle the writer AND the reader. The intricacies and subtle nuances of life, human interaction, and the daily grind have come to an intersection of sorts; it has left me with everything and nothing. Happy am I that my career path has been forged, going into lands unknown, as it were--the tiny promise of a different future way off on the horizon. Making life changes and decisions on my own have never been my forte. I prefer for someone else to take on that monstrous responsibility so that they are to blame when the chips fall where they may. Now I feel as though I'm coming into my own, being the kind of person I've always wanted to be, and instead of hurrahs, I'm getting this: Walls. Resistance. Finger-pointing. It shames me to admit that when I meet these challenges face-to-face, my first thought is to quit. Give up. Put my goals, dreams and passions aside. Meet the emotionally insecure needs of others before recognizing my own needs as valid. I go to school and the time passes by because I'm having FUN! I'm learning! I'm taking charge and planning for the future! I have broken through my fear of success and don't want to look back. Then I return home and feel...Wrong. Selfish. Irresponsible. Unloved. Broken into pieces that must be cleaned up by the next day so that I can start all over again. Nothing makes sense. My heart and head say, what the fuck are you waiting for--forge that fucking path. My rational and irrational fears tell me otherwise; 'do this later, wait until things calm down, don't be selfish, make other people happy.' The duality of my life is more tiring than my heavy work-school schedule. The emotional ramifications of each war-torn evening are wearing down my interest in life to a dull hue. It's been 3 weeks; I'll be in school for another 3 years. Can I lead by example? Smile until it hurts? Fight this uphill battle with those who say they support me with words but with nothing else? I'm turning 30 in 2 weeks and a couple of days; I really wanted to hit the ground running on my birthday--look back and say, I'm manifesting my dreams, I am present, I am working on being whole. Instead I feel like whispering to myself, you're manifesting my dreams at the expense of another, you cannot be present, you are resented for being whole. I can't do anything right these days, and my efforts in changing this situation isn't helping. I cannot live two lives anymore, but I don't want to make anymore life-changing decisions. The next one I make could be the one that breaks me wide open, and I have no energy left for the pain of other people. I have everything, and nothing. I have the future interfering with the present. I have no fight left in me. I don't know what to do, except write, live my life, and focus on the good stuff. Hopefully there's more good stuff around the corner.
Current Mood: coldDrained
Current Music: "Make Me Whole", Amel Larrieux
18 April 2006 @ 10:10 pm
I'm a little late on the Friday Five list, but here it is:

1. What is your favorite photo? A recent one of my son, smiling
2. Who took the photo? I did
3. If you could photograph anything or anyone what/who would it be? All of my family and friends together in one candid photo
4. What makes a good photo? Capturing moments that tell a whole story
5. Which do you prefer: digital or print? Black and white print...but digital for convenience


And so, life goes on. I'm having an affair. Not really, but I'm having a...thing. No, I'm not doing anything, nor am I hiding anything from anyone important. I'm just--my brain is connecting with another brain, that's what it is. Doesn't happen often, it's hard to connect with me since I'm all over the place 99% of the time. So it's clean. And interesting. Interesting enough to leave in my livejournal apparently. I leave my brain unattended for two minutes and it takes off into another world. I'm having fun, life is hectic but rewarding, I'm having a birthday soon...oh god, am I having a fake mid-life crisis affair? No, I'm not middle-aged, I just feel like it. I'm really just talking to myself at this point, so I'm gonna go. My homework is done and I'm into Season 5 of West Wing. Bath time and a non-thinking book is right around the corner....
Current Mood: amusedScatter-brained
Current Music: "Chocolate", Lester
14 April 2006 @ 09:44 am
Wow, it's been a while. I've been so busy, living the good life of a highly sought-after supermodel, that I haven't had time to update anything. Where to start? I guess HERE: I finally quit my job, hurrah and three cheers for me. I got another job, working with 2 of my best gal pals in West Seattle. I started school last week, Mon-Thurs, and it's so fun. I'm having a blast and working on projects that are meaningful to me--I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! New career, hooray! Other than that, it's the daily grind of friends, family, eat-sleep-work routine that we all go through before we win the Lottery. I'm really looking forward to that day.

Laundry, Season 4 of the West Wing, homework, and putting my feet up...that's the plan for today. And so my Livejournal update is complete.
Current Mood: awakeI'm good.
Current Music: "Say Something", James