Do you feel alienated and unloved? Are you feeble-minded and impressionable? Do you like the taste of Kool-Aid? Deep down, do you feel like a scrawny branch wavering in the stiff wind of life, just waiting for a powerful tree to sprout up alongside you for protection?
I am that tree.
My job, as your guru and protector, is to teach you things that you don't know yet and protect you from people who aren't...well, Me. Together, one day at a time, we will learn, grow, share, heal, recruit, and fornicate. Together, we will save this godless, savage nation. Together we will hold hands, go up in a blaze of Apocolyptic glory, and ride into Heaven on Intergalactic space cruisers. Join me in a revolutionary chain of worship and debauchery. Trust my tree.