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05 April 2006 @ 02:40 pm
The future of my future is here today! CHANGE is right around the corner! Weird, huh? Yeah, it freaked me out, too. School orientation tonight--I'm avoiding doing my laundry and everything else. Yesterday was fun, though--got to hang with some neighbors/friends all day in the sun. *sigh* Okay, now I'm just using Livejournal to avoid doing my laundry, which I need to do before I take a shower, which has to happen in order for me to get to the orientation tonight smelling acceptable and in clean clothing.


I'm just so BLAH. I'm gonna go dance around, try to get motivated.
Current Mood: anxiousUnmotivated
Current Music: "A Real Fine Place to Start", Sara Evans
As you may well know, I'm a catalogue whore; you name it, I've got it. Pottery Barn, The Company Store, West Elm, Design Within Reach, Garnet Hill, Restoration Hardware, and on and on 4-EVAH. Yes, it's a bit overkill, and yes, we are suffocating beneath a gigantic mound of recycled paper products, but that's neither here nor there! When one of those mags come a-knockin' at my door, I squeal with unrestrained delight. Shopping online is completely different for some reason--same photos, different intention. I peruse online to buy, but I look through catalogues to dream. I can take those catalogues everywhere a person CAN dream, but not necessarily a computer. Wrapped in a blanket on the couch, curled up under my down comforter on my bed, outside in the garden, relaxing in a hot bath, on the bus, at work... it's so easy to get lost thinking about where I'd put that overpriced lamp or how those 600-thread count sheets would feel against my bare feet. As you can see, I'm a bit obsessive and queer about my catalogue whoring, especially West Elm, which is one of my favorites.

So you'll understand when I say that I just got back from Portland, and Portland HAS a West Elm. The multi-orgasmic feeling that I and several others had while standing on the edge of retail brilliance will not be forgotten for many years. We actually clasped hands in silent unity and ran to the open door. We stood in the open doorway for a moment, savoring the sweet smell of victory, although that smell ended up being P.F. Chang's right next door. No matter, it was a retail dream realized; we cavorted, whooped with girlish glee, skipped, danced, pinched eachother, and touched nearly everything. After an hour, we were spent. I bid adieu to my new best friend and silently vowed to come back in a couple of months, when my bank account and their sale section are bigger.

Portland was relaxing, refreshing, and disturbing--my gay told me that from the ages of 12-14, he could blow himself. I still haven't recovered from that information, nor him trying to give a mock demonstration in the car while driving. "What. You just use a bunch of pillows. Geez." Up until this point, I've been glad I have a son, but now I'm not so sure. *dry heave* 'Scuse me, I gotta GO.
Current Mood: TIRED
Current Music: Nothing! Can't sleep for shit, I'm here against my will
24 March 2006 @ 12:15 am
This week's questions are:

1) Of the various cultures, ethnicities or nationalities you belong to, which most strongly do you consider yourself? Polynesian

2) Is there a culture you cannot claim heritage from but which you feel quite close to? Caucasian...is that a "heritage"? *snort*

3) What's one language you wish you knew fluently? Hebrew

4) If you could move anywhere in the world and be guaranteed a job, etc., where would you go? Iceland

5) If you had a time machine, and could witness any one event without altering or disturbing it, what would you want to see?
My parents' wedding, so I could see a time when they were actually happy.
23 March 2006 @ 11:57 pm
I'm looking forward to my girl-on-girl, Thelma and Louise, action-packed weekend in Portland. I don't feel it will be necessary to commit suicide at the end of our adventure, sans Brad Pitt, but hopefully we'll have some minor amounts of fun and frolic. My girlfriend Kim, a traitor to the Northwest (she moved to Portland by CHOICE!), will be baking up a storm--she'll get pushed aside by moi for an ugly feeding frenzy to rival that of Jaws. I also predict a bank account pillage-and-plunder job, also by me, since I'll be visiting my favorite store down there; JustBeToys is the best place for toys and art. Mmm, toys. No, not THOSE kind, you sick bastards--ACTUAL TOYS. I mean, after shopping and consuming copious amounts of food, who in their right mind would drive off a cliff with their girlfriends? If I was going to commit to that kind of life-ending debauchery, I'd need to at least get laid that day, win the Lottery, get some lipo, eat 4 dozen cupcakes, write some goodbye letters, and do some serious karaoke. There is no better send-off than Journey's song, "Don't Stop Believin'". The irony is killing me. I would also want to hand-pick the lucky actress that would play my character in our heartbreaking Lifetime Movie, appropriately titled "Friends Forever". It would probably be Queen Latifah. Or Nona Gaye. Or Oprah.

I'm not even black! Stupid type-casting.
Current Mood: creativeLifetime Movie Network-worthy
Current Music: "Destroy Everything," Ladytron
18 March 2006 @ 02:51 am
Just got my confirmation from Mrs. Fancypants herself that we are going out tomorrow night! Anyone looking for hot lesbian action tomorrow around 10pm is welcome to join us at Girl4Girl...I'm just sorry that I missed Lick on Thursday night and Hot Mess tonight. It just FELT like a girl-on-girl weekend, ya know? Anyways, I'm rounding up the vaginas-only troops and heading out for some serious flirting and even LESS serious bonding! Ah, intimacy...how I smite thee. No really, I'm excited to hang with the girls, go out for some cheap chow, dress like sluts, stay out late and get into trouble. By "trouble", I mean the mild-mannered troubles of a virginal librarian, not some cheap Korean prostitute-type trouble. I'm vanilla now. I'm done with the vanilla-chocolate-hot-tamale-Jim Beam-laden trouble with popped cherries on top. DONE.

I also get to meet, during dinner tomorrow eve, the father of my best gay. Being a devoted hag and neighbor to my queer-eyed one and only takes dedication, alcohol (on his part), and fairly low expectations; I'm looking forward to seeing the figurative loins he sprang forth from, and asking the pertinent question of, "but WHY?"...and THEN...Sunday is the quintessential ugly bridal shower, 1950's-themed, for an old girlfriend from yonder...'yonder' being highschool, which I had hoped to just forget about and let go into the recesses of Hell. But NO! These bitches have to keep marrying and breeding, marrying and breeding. It's like keeping cows around, or horses, or rabbits. Some kind of animal I don't like, THAT'S what it's like. Haven't even bought a gift. I'm still self-centered enough to think that my showing up there is a gift unto itself, thank you very much. Whatev. I gotta get up in 4 hours, what the fuck am I still doing up?

Time for some ZEES.
Current Mood: Hurrah! Girlies!
18 March 2006 @ 02:44 am
I got a good guffaw from this one:

...While the "South Park" creators didn't directly comment on Comedy Central's decision to pull the episode, they issued an unusual statement to Daily Variety indicating the battle is not over.

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

The duo signed the statement "Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu."

That's the funniest press release I've ever read. It just made me love Scientology more, if that's even remotely possible.
Current Mood: nostalgicSleepy and clean.
13 March 2006 @ 09:54 am
So the trip to see The Fam was okay--there is a highly visible barrier between us that I will continue to cultivate, mostly because my lifestyle doesn't fit in with their lifestyle. So we ARE family, just separated. My bio-mom wanted to know how much I weigh, how much I make, why I'm not going to church, what my tax return was, what the square footage of our apartment is, why I don't want more kids, and on and on, ad infinitum. That was beyond fun. One nice thing is that there were lots and lots and lots and lotsa babies! So instead of bringing forth more demon spawn into the world, I'll just play with ones that already exist. For demons, though, they sure can be cute.
Current Mood: amusedGot the whole day off!
Current Music: "Little Bird", Annie Lennox
09 March 2006 @ 09:01 am
I'm having a cookie and little Yo-Yo Ma this fine cold morning. Resentfully getting ready for work. Feeling ill from lack of sleep. Apprehensive about going to my crappy place of employment. Same song, different verse! I'll have a better day when I wake up and ingest some actual FOOD. Tonight is my son's science fair, and he is going to fucking rawk! I gotta remember to get film.
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: "Libertango", Yo-Yo Ma
08 March 2006 @ 11:09 pm
Tonight I feasted with gluttonous glee on the fat of reality TV. Oh yeah, you heard me right. It was like a perfect Christmas morning, but with a really rich family. At 8pm we had two TV's going full-speed; one showcased the underwhelming performance-monkeys on American Idol, and the other featured the equally underwhelming modeling talents of anorexic wannabes on America's Next Top Model. Immediately following that was the season finale of Project Runway, where my favorite designer Santino LOST, and Chloe the Korean refugee kitten won (boooo). And THEN, the crowning glory of MTV began, the new reality show called 8th & Ocean. It's basically America's Next Top Model starring bratty teenage catalogue models who wanna "take it to the next level". *happy sigh* Seriously, I'm full.

I'm the first to say that I like watching the American Idol finalists fail miserably--they DESERVE it if they choose a Mariah Carey or Barry Manilow song! Take that karaoke bullshit somewhere else! And while I love fashion, photography and beautiful people, America's Top Model just serves the drama mama in me--it's so formulaic, so masterful in taking these young giraffe-like women, pitting them against one another, beautifying them, taking their picture, criticizing them and then cutting them out like an ingrown toenail. Perfection! I like Project Runway for the clothes, basically, since I'm a clotheshorse at heart. I mean, I like my clothes to be made of synthetic fabric woven by an underpaid village in Taiwan, but if I had the money, I'd work it. On 8th & Ocean, I'm enjoying picking out my favorite future coke whore, and trying to find the eating disorder girl. There's always one in every family, so this show will be no different.

So. My shallow foray into the deep end of the gene pool is coming to an end. I don't think I could have planned this night better myself. It's probably like Haley's Comet and won't happen again for 80 years, but at least I can look back and fondly remember when. Goodnight moon.
Current Mood: contentPerfection squared
Current Music: "Filthy Gorgeous", Scissor Sisters
08 March 2006 @ 03:43 pm
Hm. My house is clean. It's, like, white-glove-surgical-room-mother-approved clean. This spotless house and I would like to send a shout-out to Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies, Livejournal, PMS, Comet wipes, tantrums, borrowed cigarettes, and the word "fuck"...without you, this could not have been possible, and we will never forget your unwavering support.
Current Mood: surprisedSqueaky clean!
Current Music: "Reptilia", The Strokes